Andy Borowitz As Well As The Purchase Example For Banking Corporation Of America

Andy Borowitz (a daily e-mail you lot must have) lays out the purchase illustration for Bank of America succinctly:

A Letter from Bank of America

An Apology to Our Customers

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – The next missive of the alphabet was sent today past times Bank of America to all of its debit bill of fare customers:

Dear Valued Customer:

As almost of you lot belike know past times now, concluding calendar month nosotros instituted a $5 monthly fee for all of our debit bill of fare users.  To say that what followed this determination was a shitstorm would survive a massive understatement.

Considering that only 3 years before taxpayers had bailed us out amongst billions of their hard-earned dollars, it’s understandable that Bank of America was compared to a someone who, equally he is pulled from a burning building, turns too kicks the firewoman inwards the nuts.

That’s why nosotros are writing to you lot today amongst a uncomplicated message: “Our bad.”  And to tell you lot that nosotros are refunding the $5 to you, effective immediately.  All you lot create got to produce is pay a simple, erstwhile $10 refund fee.

You tin have your refund online, or selection it upwards at your nearest Bank of America branch, where a teller volition manus the coin straight to you lot for a simple, erstwhile $15 treatment fee.

If you lot produce catch your branch, experience costless to purpose whatever of our services, including our state of the fine art ballpoint pens too deposit slips.  (Prices on request.)

Again, bring our apologies for instituting the debit bill of fare fee.  We create got learned our lesson, too nosotros brand this solemn promise: side past times side fourth dimension nosotros squelch coin from you, we’ll produce it inwards a agency you lot won’t notice.

Sincerely,

Bank of America